Another Year of This?
Sorry to write so much:
The time has come to renew the website and url (cuz I pay for those) and its making me think I need some changes to the group to get back to what I intended. When I started this I wanted to meet my peers - older adults and seniors who were interested in meeting online and/or in person to talk about autism, share experiences of navigating PEI as autistic adults, and be supportive to each other. My understanding of double empathy was that autistic people WANT to spend time with, interact with, form relationships with, etc., other autistic people. Its been a surprise to me that most people joined without reading anything written on the website and probably without knowing they joined a peer support group. But the reality is the great majority of people who joined don't interact at all and won't even read this post. I have no idea why they joined the group or what they were expecting. It seems most autistic people on PEI would rather be with non autistic people. Maybe its the stigma. So speaking of burning things down I often think about burning this down and starting again. I think the experience of autistic seniors (people over 65) is/was different than younger autistics and frankly much worse as we were gaslit by everyone including medical professionals and continue to be blocked from any support.
I also think that I alone cannot run a group for young people - I don't have the spoons or frankly, the knowledge. You're all way ahead of me and PEI is a different place for you. Places I contacted for help as recently as 2020 and got nowhere, actually do provide support to younger autistic people.
As I wrote on the website I anticipated this to be a peer support group where WE shared and WE supported each other. I've posted looking for someone to be our phone contact, to write blog posts, to help with the website, to write blurbs for media, to help get the word out, to create a team of leads, to share resources they've used, as well as looking for feedback on any number of issues. And probably a whole lot of other things I just can't remember off the top of my head.
I think I'm probably in burnout now. I've been trying for three months to write a blog post about burnout...it should be a joke except its true. After the CBC article I got quite overwhelmed with all the traffic, all the emails from autistic people wanting resources, and people wanting to sell us a product/services. And I found myself in a disagreement with some of the members highlighting fundamental differences with how we viewed the group adding to my feelings of isolation.
If I'm to keep this going I really need to find more members who wish to interact with us, get more involved, help lead, and contribute to the group. And I desperately need to find my peers, autistic seniors. So I can find support or even just mutual acknowledgement. So if I say at a meeting that I'm planning to end my life in few years someone might have a response.
So to anyone still reading this, I hope you'll try to understand my position and thanks for reading this.
Thank you very much for your comment. Very apropos as our meeting this week will be on autistic adults in the group finding ways to help one another. I hope we're able to come up with something that helps with the apprehension people feel about participating on the site and in person.
I do understand the way you feel, particularly on other platforms with non-autistic people. What I had hoped for with this group was that we, as autistic peers, would be able to support each other to get over our anxiety and find acceptance and companionship.
I have social anxiety myself and as much as I'd like to have friends that accept me for me, I was 67 before I finally decided I had to do something or I'll die alone in the woods. And since I can hardly speak I created this website to speak for me. I got comfortable posting by telling myself no one is going to read it anyway. I still get anxious before every meeting, but a little less each time, as I think people no longer expect me to 'run' the meeting (I don't.) I only recently worked up the nerve to say 'Anything new with you with week?' lol Some members are also ADHD and they carry the conversation for the rest of us. 😃
On the other hand, I think the people that do reach out either by posting or coming to a meeting find the group becoming an important part of their lives. And I want that for all autistic people, including you.
I hope that you and the other anxious autistics try a meeting sometime. You can make up any display name you like for Zoom and you don't have to turn your camera on. So you could just drop by and listen for a bit to start.
Even if you don't wish to participate in the larger group, please consider using this platform to find friends or companions or even acquaintances who will accept you for who you are.
Sorry to write so much - I'm just really glad you took the chance to post.