Something for the new year for any auDHDers
This is from Mattia from auDHD Flourishing
"Someone asked me, "Why did you develop the Do Less concept?"
In other words, what's the meaning and purpose of doing less on purpose?
Overworking has been a primary coping mechanism of mine for as long as I can remember. Years ago, a therapist asked me something like, "What if you met your intensity needs in other ways besides piling deadlines on top of each other?"
I was frankly taken aback, not the least because I couldn't think of what that would look like.
Not to mention, like many of us, I was relying on the dopamine of deadline pressure to get things done! Now I refer to that as the adrenaline-anxiety method.
I don't tell people to stop using the adrenaline-anxiety method!
Why not? Because it works. And because many neurodivergent folks have
way too much on their plate
with far too little support
and thus they need something that works. Even if that method is harmful long-term. It's harm reduction that helps them to pay taxes and fill out their children's school forms.
When A(u)DHDers seek an approach that's more gentle on the nervous system, the following cycle tends to happen:
They do a LOT LESS. Like, a lot less. (I won't sugar-coat this.)
Ableist conditioning comes out as guilt, shame, and cruel self-talk or lack of self-compassion
The negative feelings trigger anxiety, or even fight/flight-style activation
That anxiety-adrenaline leads to getting something done...
...but it feels like too little, too late, and there's a feeling of having "messed up" the initial intention of taking a gentle approach
I've experienced this cycle many, many times. And I've helped clients experiencing it.
It does NOT seem to work to "only" do less, both because of the cycle above, and because we all have things we really do need to get done.
It also does NOT seem to work to focus entirely on self-compassion, even though it's an amazing and multi-purpose tool.
The reason self-compassion isn't enough to lift out of that cycle is that #1 happens for a reason: the body is deeply overworked and needs more rest than a capitalist system tends to allow.
Even in countries that have decent disability options, including paid medical leave, they don't take into account that many of us ideally need months off to fully heal from burnout. Which would also include help with daily life tasks—and possibly occupational therapy support—for many multiply neurodivergent people.
I've been wrestling with this conundrum for a while, as a person and as a practitioner.
As an individual, I've never hit a ceiling on how much rest my body prefers. The less I do, the better I feel. (At least, the physical rest needs side. Intensity needs are another matter.)
As a practitioner, I slowly reached the following conclusion:
Internalized ableism WILL crop up when we rest more. Guilt, shame, and/or anxiety WILL follow.
Rather than trying to avoid the "bad" feelings (which our bodies naturally prefer), I now support people through the process: giving the brain and body what they need to feel better in the moment, while letting the feelings & external messages pass through without causing harm.
This is one of those concepts that's simple, but not easy to put into action alone.
It's also why, in the design for the Do Less program, I don't simply mean "rest more."
I also mean do less of the guilt/shame cycle that's currently wasting a lot of time and energy!
What would you do with that reclaimed energy?
I've been baking sourdough & writing a book ;)
If you're interested in Do Less, it's for people who want deep & thorough support for 2026 (and it includes the Love Your Brain course for free).
The ideas behind it are, in my mind, applicable to my entire community! I plan to share them broadly, especially after developing and testing them with a small group. There's also an option to "audit" the teaching material next year, at the bottom of the Do Less page.
I'm wicked excited, and you're welcome to email mattia@mattiamauree.com with questions,
Well-breaded,
Mattia
p.s. if you prefer listening to reading, there are two podcast episodes about this:
122 Do Less (of what you don't want, to make room for what you do)
124 AuDHD Leadership Matters